Wingmen
by Two-twisted-girls
Summary: Two men meet each other in a absinthe-bar and things progress from there. Giant crossover of death! Crackfic! Heavy Slash!
1. shorts!

******We bring to you the very first chapter of the glorious giant crossover fic that will be known as "Wingmen"**

******A glorious tale about two rather different men meeting in a absinth-bar in Berlin and things progress from there… Loki and Lestat as each others wingman!**

******Rated M, Lost of dirty slash with many wonderful characters from all your favorite fandoms! (feel free to come with suggestions to us!)**

******English is not our spoken language so please note us nicely is you see any embarrassing gramma mistakes. Thank you! **

**Disclaim: nothing belongs to us except the silly plot!**

The sun was going down and bathed eastern Berlin in its marvelous colors. A young man with golden curls and slightly purple eyes was slowly sucking on a cigarette outside a bar with a green jugendstyle fairy on the sign. He looked a slightly hangover and a little bored. The metro just in front of him was making an awful lot of noise and he frowned at it. It was a way too noisy Sunday evening for his taste. He had been busy all week rehearsing for an avant-garde play in a little theatre just a few blocks away. God he was exhausted. And the rest of the weekend. He had gone hard both Friday and Saturday with his fellow actors. He had done that since he moved from the little suburban town in France. His brain cells were dying. Really, dying big time! He sighed and threw the bud on the ground and stepped on it. Damn he needed a good shag. He looked down the street and saw a tall man with short, slicked back, black hair and dressed in a nice looking black and green suit walking towards him. Their shoulders brushed lightly against each other, as the dark haired man passed him and entered the bar.

Loki entered the dim lighted bar and looked around and then made his way to the bar. His green eyes swept over the menu of drinks slowly. A tired sigh came out of his lips, Thor had given him one hell of a long talk about family values and humanity earlier and he was tired of hearing it almost every day. His brother had never had any children, never been looked down upon or shunned for practicing magic instead of fighting. How the Allfather could banish his own grandchildren and make them just appear as mindless beasts was beyond Loki's understanding, but then again he was just another stolen relic he thought bitterly.**  
**The blonde smoker, from outside, walked back in and up to the bar. The bartender smiled friendly.**  
**

**"**You just keep going, Lestat. What do you desire? The usual?"

**"**No… no! Oh god no! Just give me a reparation beer!" the blonde whimpered. He then turned around to get a look on the black-haired man beside him. He looked as if he had a headache twice as bad as Lestat's.

**"**Wow dude. You look like you are dying or something," he murmured.

**"**I'm sorry?" He turned to Lestat with an irritated glare on his face. The bartender turned to Loki and asked: "What will it be good sir?" a gentle smile on his face.

"A white Russian" he said without taking his eyes away from the blonde. Lestat stared back with wonder in his eyes.**  
**

**"**Dude?" But the guy just kept his starring contest.

**"**Are you all right?" A freaky smile slowly spread on the other man's face.**  
"**I apologies sir but I have had a very trying day. I did not mean any ill will towards you." Loki concluded in his mind that this young blonde in front of him was quite handsome and the man had done nothing wrong against him. It wouldn't hurt to be civil.

**"**I just came here to maybe drown my sorrows a little in alcohol," He said looking fabulous. Lestat quickly turned to the bartender.**  
"**Howl darling, make that beer to ten shots of the purest, and strongest urine from Satan you got!" The bartender, a beautiful, wizardish, blonde guy with emerald earrings, smiled softly.

**"**But binky boy, I thought you only needed a reparation beer tonight?"**  
"**Screw this! I'm going to get hammered anyways!" Howl, the bartender, laughed at started to pour absinth. It was an absinth bar after all. Lestat sat down beside the black haired guy and made himself comfortable.

**"**Hey, I'm Lestat. Why are you looking so down? You look like you have been riding on an Elephant in two weeks!"**  
**Loki let out a lighthearted laugh "Oh if only I had" His laughter died down to a low chuckle**  
"**Then maybe I would be able to stand my horrid so-called brother" He stretched out his hand "I am Loki and tomorrow I will be burdened with a glorious hangover!" he smirked and Lestat smiled broadly, showing off his perfect white teeth.

The shots were put on the bar between them and Loki drowned his drink, getting ready to chuck down some horrible absinthe-shots

"Dude! How can you just swallow a White Russian like that?" Lestat asked with a surprised laugh.

"Where I am from, drinking is a very common pastime and if you couldn't hold your liquor you would be ridiculed…" Loki answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Lestat downed a shot to keep up with the weird guy but had to make a face when the strong taste burned his tongue. Loki laughed.**  
"**Is it the first time drinking alcohol child?" Lestat lifted an eyebrow.

**"**Say… Is this a challenge?"

Loki lifted one of his elegant eyebrows, a smirk forming on his lips.

**"**Well then… Last man standing drinks for free?" He asked lifting a shot-glass in mock salute.

**"**You're on pretty-boy!" Lestat answered loudly. Howl grinned.

"This is gonna be good…" Lestat lifted a shot.

**"**Well cheers then!"

Ten shots later Lestat's head was buried in the toilet to the lovely sound of Lokis triumphing, evil laughter.**  
"**You could at least hold my hair!" Lestat whimpered in those few seconds the absinth and other fun stuff wasn't beaming out of his mouth.

**"**Yeah bitch! I'm the god of absinth! And now take it like the little puny mortal you are!"

**"**Fuck you! Bwaaaarrrhhhhddddd!"

Loki was unsteady on his legs as he leaned up against the bathroom walls a dreamy look in his eyes. a small giggle was bubbling in his throat. Howls soft steps came closer and suddenly he was standing in the bathroom door.

**"**You know, I am closing now. Can I count on you to take loverboy home?" he asked Loki.

**"**Well I guess anything else would just be rude now wouldn't it?" he giggled.

**"**Allright blondie! Lets take you home!" Loki said swinging his arms out as if he was proclaiming some big quest. Lestat nodded pathetic and wiped his face with the back of his hand, and they stumbled out of the bar and down the street. It wasn't even midnight yet.

**"**Soo your brother?" Lestat mumbled.

**"**A giant man with too much strength in his arms! Like seriously! He's so stupid that he once thought that he could defeat a 1000 frost giants alone! Boy that was a fun weekend! Even though I found out I was adopted... Ehehehehe!"Loki leaned against Lestat as he laughed. Lestat giggled as well his arm slung around Loki's shoulder.

**"**I know the feeling. My brothers are not really gods gift to humanity either. But you know... too much brain isn't good either. I had a lover like that once. He seriously couldn't understand a joke and was either reading or crying. Holy fuck! And he had a kid. And she hated me. Oh the drama!"

**"**Well at least your virginity wasn't taken by a giant fucking horse! I was disguised as a mare but I still couldn't walk properly for a month! AND!" He pointed a finger right at Lestat's face "I got pregnant!" He yelled out loud "And he got eight legs! EIGHT! Do you have any idea how much it hurt when he kicked!? Not to mention the birth itself was the most painful thing I've ever tried!" Loki was on a rant an Lestat could do nothing but support Loki's walk and listen with an amused smile on his lips "I... I gave birth to an eight legged horse!" He yelled taking a hold of Lestat's shirt.

**"**Your life is clearly more fuck'd than mine. And my life is pretty fuck'd! What are you anyways?"

**"**I am Loki! Of Asgard and I am burdened with glorious purpose! I am the god of mischief!" He almost growled the last sentence hanging on to Lestat's shirt collar.

**"**Average..." Lestat mumbled. Loki nodded. He then turned and walked up to a gothic building.

**"**Well It was nice meeting you. I live here." Lestat looked at him with big, wet eyes.

**"**I am too drunk to walk home by myself," he whispered.

**"**Then would you perhaps like to take one last drink with me?" Loki asked, an almost shy smile crept onto his lips.

**"**Sure. Sounds nice" Lestat smiled back walking closer to Loki, a blush forming on his cheeks. Loki choughed, his ears turning a light shade of pink.

**"**Well then. Lets get inside then" He turned and unlocked the door.

There was an awkward silence between them as they rode up the elevator. "I think Thor is at his girlfriend this night so we won't be disturbed..." Loki said casually, thankful in his mind what he wouldn't face Thor in this drunken stage and with an even more intoxicated man by his side. Lestat looked down with a smirk on his face. They walked to a door carved in dark wood and Loki unlocked it.

**"**So here we are. It's not like Asgard or something but it will do," Loki said. Lestat didn't answer. He had dropped his jaw all the way to the floor. The flat was exquisite. All the furniture was in the same dark, heavy wood as the door was made of, the curtains was made of green velvet and the floor was dressed in luxurious carpets with old viking patterns.

**"**Oh don't look so surprised" Loki chuckled.

"Surely you wouldn't expect anything but the finest things from me after our long talks at the bar." He said as he shrugged off his jacket and threw it over the back of a chair. "Please take off your shoes as well..." He said too, sitting down to undo his own. Lestat did as he was told. Loki tried to get up but ended up falling on his back onto the floor, giggling "Everything is spinning so wonderfully!" He said while trying to get up once again, Lestat offered his hand to Loki who took it with a smile.

Both men wobbling made their way to the kitchen and loki pulled out a bottle of red wine and two glasses, filling them both up halfway. He then passed one of the glasses to Lestat who took it in his hands with a grin on his beautiful face.

After all the puking in the bar Lestat was more than ready to continue drinking and the wine sure disappeared fast. Loki then threw a bottle of some foul tasting liquor in his glass. It was apparently something called Mjød, a wiking speciality.

**"**Drink up my friend!" Loki yelled grinning "Drink 'till you drop! Just don't barf on my carpet!" He said followed closely by a slurred laugh: Ehehehehehehe!

Lestat's eyes were swimming in his head as he laughed with him, suddenly Loki caressed Lestats hair "It's so soft and nice." He slurred, his fingers lingered on Lestat's cheek. At that moment Lestats instincts had taken over his whole body, plus his gaydar had been beeping all night. So he threw himself at the god i an almost brutal kiss. Loki lost his balance and fell to the floor with the blonde on top of him.

Loki was taken by surprise but that did not stop him from returning the sloppy kiss with passion! Their tongues was now dancing a fierce dance for dominance, both of their faces flushed as Loki gripped Lestats shirt. Lestat retaliated by comping a hand through Loki's hair making him moan and press his body closer to Lestat's. There were already a rock hard erection. Loki flipped over so he was on top and continued to remove Lestats shirt. Lestat frowned.

**"**But I like being on top..." he whimpered.

**"**Oh suck it up! Your was my bitch from the beginning!" Loki said with a wink in his eyes. Lestat showed his hand down Lokis pants and the god couldn't hold back a moan.

**"**Now who was the bitch again?" Lestat laughed.

**"**Shutup!" Loki growled as he kissed Lestat with almost bruising strength, biting playfully in his lower lip. Loki's hand began to explore Lestat's body, running his hand up and down of his torso and then wandering down to caress his thighs. Lestat groaned loudly as Loki's one hand found its way to his raging erection.

**"**We should really move this to a bed" Lestat panted out against Loki. Loki saw that as his cue to jump up with Lestat in the bridal position and run of to the bedroom leaving a trace of clothes behind them. He threw the blonde on the bed and jumped on top again.

Lestat somehow had forgot that he hated being the one on the bottom and moaned loudly as Lokis finger made its way inside him. Loki captured Lestats lips in a passionate kiss once more and arched his back as one of Lestats hand made it's way around Loki's hard cock.

And it was then a loud yell erupted from the door to the room, which Loki had forgotten to close:**  
"**WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!" **  
**It was... THOR!

Both men abruptly stopped what they were doing looking at the horrified big blonde in the door-opening, there was a few silent seconds and the Loki yanked a blanket over them while screaming at Thor: GET OUT VAGINAFACE!

Loki threw his bedside lamp against Thor who was running out into the livingroom, yelling: I'M TELLING DAD!Next morning a unsatisfied Loki with a major hangover woke up alone. The Thor incident had kind of killed the mood. Loki sighed. It was a shame though. He had come to like Lestat. He was fun. He took a hand to his forehead and lifted an eyebrow as he felt a lap of paper sticking to it. He tore it off and read the message written on it._Hey I just met you in this is crazy but meet me in the bar_

_tomorrow evening maybe? _**  
**_xxxo _Loki smiled.

**Stay tuned for chapter 2! **


	2. The holy virgin

**AUTHORS NOTE: Well hello and welcome to chapter 2 of this glorious story OF DEATH! **

**In this chapter more characters is going to get horribly defiled and mutilated by our gruesome writing! This is going to be even more smutty than the last chapter , so ye be warned! **

**This chapter will contain the following pairings: Stoki (Loki/Steve Rogers) and Superpire (Superman/Lestat) **

**The authors will also have a small cameo, so if you can figure that one out you get a cookie! And if you can guess all the memes and references you will get free absinthe shots at the bar in Berlin! (yes it does in fact exist!) **

**A huge fucking thank you to our first and for now ONLY follower Gothchiq80 3 We love you man! You are the reason why we continue with this wonderful story OF DEATH! **

Chapter 2: The holy virgin

**"**Soooo... last night was fun," Lestat smirked. Loki sighed.

**"**Sorry... that was pretty much my brother in a nutshell." Lestat nodded and sipped his absinthe When he woke up at Loki's place last night he had the worst hangover in history and he was not going to get that drunk ever again... ever.

**"**Maybe it is just not meant to be," Loki mumbled.

**"**It's a shame though... We would be a hell of a hot couple," Lestat said.

**"**And because of your stupid brother, I have been wandering around with a major boner all day!" Loki nearly choked on his drink.

**"**What?" he laughed.

**"**Yearh it's true. It's not fun when you have to dance around in tights all day. Man being an actor sucks balls!"

** "**You know! That's not okay! I will hook you up with a hunk tonight! Yeah that's right! I Loki, the god of mischief, will be thou wingman!" He yelled out lifting his glass high in the air.He then proceeded to swallow down his drink, mashing it down in the floor, crashing it and yelling: ANOTHER! **  
**Howl the bartender sighed "Please don't do that again sweetheart." a light chuckle escaping him as he cleaned up the shards of glass from the floor.

** "**Sorry..." Loki mumbled, not meaning it one bit.

** "**So lets inspect tonights goods." Lestat said with a smirk, his eyes roaming around the bar for potential bedmates/victims of the night.

** "**It is still quite early my friend, lets wait and see what amazing people walk into our little lair of alcohol!" Loki said with a giggle his own eyes wandering as well. **  
**There wasn't many people in the bar at the present time: a freaky looking punkgirl with turquoise hair and a bit less freaky looking redhead dressed in a granny dress who was using her arms wildly to demonstrate a story. Nothing of interest really. One drink became four and it was near midnight when Lestat suddenly started to slap Loki's arm with glitter and rainbows in his eyes.

** "**Look!" he whispered with a squeaky voice. Loki turned his head and suddenly Hollywood violins started playing in his head. In the door two buff males, with tender faces and a sparkly aura, was standing. The older one had shiny, black hair with a neat curl in the front bangs and the sparkly, blue eyes covered with a pair of thick rimmed glasses. By his side was a blonde guy with puppy eyes and a face of an angel. Loki hissed.

** "**I call shotgun for blondie!" he almost yelled. Lestat sighed.

** "**I thought you were my wingman? Oh well. I like the fisheye too."

Loki smirked "The blonde is one of Thor's friends and I know Thor has a huge man-crush on him! Sweet patriotic little Steve Rogers." A dark chuckle escaped his lips and his face spelled trouble far away.

** "**I want revenge over Thor for ruining yesterday evening!" He said as he observed the two other men sit down at one of the tables.

** "**I know I've seen the dark haired one somewhere but the glasses confuses me!" Loki said frustrated. Speaking of, the same man now stood up and walked to the bar where the two wingmen sat. He put his hands on the barcounter "Two Budweiser's please." He said in a manly but shy voice.

** "**You're here with Steven?" Loki asked him, a pleasant smile on his lips, the stranger turned and looked at Loki.

** "**Yes I am. My name is Clark Kent and Steve is my cousin." Loki noticed Clark's eyes were blue and sparkly and as he spoke his lips moved sensually, a pleasant smile upon them, and his big ass-chin and high cheekbones perfectly shaped.

** "**Pleasure to meet you Clark." Loki answered "I am Loki and this:" He turned to Lestat "Is my friend Lestat." Lestat gave a small wave with his hand and smiled. **  
**** "**Hello." Clark's eyes widened.

** "**Is that a french accent massaging my ears?" Lestat giggled. This was way too easy.

** "**Well yes. Yes it is. I moved here a year ago," Lestat answered with even more accent than usual.

** "**I should have known. Such a beauty could only have been born in Paris." Loki smirked and walked on tiptoes away towards the sweet Captain.

** "**Hello captain Rogers." Loki smirked and placed the beer Clark had bought but forgotten in his conversation with Lestat in front of him.

** "**Loki? what are you doing here?" Steve asked.

** "**Oh don't worry my dear captain, I'm not here to cause havoc. Thor did tell you about my punishment did he not? I am merely here with a friend enjoying a night out when you walked through the door." Loki grinned and sat down opposite Steve, a drink in his hand.

** "**What are you drinking?" Steve asked "Sex on the beach" Loki answered and grinned as Steve blushed, not understanding the name of the drink. **  
**** "**Could i offer you something. Maybe a blowjob? I'm sure you would enjoy that? Or trippleorgasm is also great. Howl, the lovely bartender, is a god with a shaker." The captains was face was now burning red and he kept stumbling over his words.

** "**Loki... I..." Loki could suddenly see he was related to Clark. He was in that moment all sparkly and full lipped. Loki burst out laughing.**  
**** "**It's a joke! But oh my nordic god, you should have seen your face! It was hysterical. You are adorabel!" Steve looked down on the floor still pretty flushed.

** "**I can't even get drunk," he almost whispered.

Loki wiped of the tears that had fallen down while still laughing and weezing for his breath.

**"**What are you laughing so much about?" Lestat and Clark had moved from the bar and stood in front of them now "Oh it's nothing really. I was just telling Steve about the great drinks and cocktail they serve here." Loki said with a grin "Sit down!" he said and scooted over making room for the other two males.

** "**So! Clark, what brings you and the dear captain to Berlin?" Loki asked turning towards Clark.

** "**Well we thought we needed a vacation and since Steve once was at war in this country we thought it would be fun to see how it was doing now compared to 70 years ago" He smiled trying not to sound nervous, because Lestat was stroking his leg with his foot under the table.

** "**How interesting. Berlin is a lovely city. Very bohemian indeed. My friend here moved from france for a more artistic lifestyle," Loki said. Nobody should ever tell him he was a bad wing man. Clark looked interested.

The conversation went on and more beers and cocktail were drowned. Lestat and Loki was now quite drunk while Clark only seemed slightly tipsy and Steve was incredibly sober but still having a great time. They were all laughing loudly from a story Loki just told about one time Mjølner had been stolen by frost giants and Thor had to impose as the goddess Freya and Loki as his bridesmaid to retrieve it.

** "**He looked so stupid in a dress!" Loki laughed out loud "I had to save his ass so many times because he is the most ugly and messy woman I've ever seen!" He proclaimed trying to illustrate with his hands and body how Thor made a poor lady.

** "**Boy those Jotuns got a surprise when they gave him Mjølner as a wedding-gift and removed his bridesveil! He completely trashed them all! Now ME! I make a fantastic woman! Much more convincing and graceful, plus I know how to transform boobs onto myself!" He grinned right at Steve as he said the last part. Steve flushed once again. Lestat leaned on his hand, the other was caressing Clark's hand on the table.

** "**Say Steve. Are you a virgin or something?" Lestat asked jokingly.

** "**You sure act like one!" Loki and Lestat was dying of laughter and first moments after they noticed Steves facial color. It was almost neonlike.

** "**What?!" Lestat almost yelled.

** "**You are?! But you're all like buff and hot and stuff! Are you serious?!" Loki just sat there with a smirk on his face.

** "**I knew that from the start. You're all too sweet and pure. You are like the holy virgin," he said and leaned closer to the captain.

** "**I would love to corrupt you," he then whispered making the captain look straight into his eyes, fear as well as excitement showing. But mostly fear. Loki started humming and slowly sliding his hand up the Captains leg making him jump a little. Steve then coughed uncomfortably "I think I need to go to the mens room!" He said standing up quickly and walking away. Loki gave Lestat a small smile and said: Excuse me for a second. Loki followed Steve out to the bathroom "Steve wait!" He almost had to run to catch up with Steve.

** "**Look Stevie! I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable back there." He said but he didn't really mean it, he had been trying to find a way to be alone with the captain the whole at the table Clark was looking a bit nervous.

** "**Is he gonna be alright?" he asked. Lestat nodded.

** "**Of course. Loki is a very gentle lov... I mean he's a buff guy and can take care of himself. Stay here and keep me company. Do I know you from someplace else. I'm sure I have seen you before. But your glasses... They confuse me..." Clark looked a bit nervous and suddenly stood up.

** "**One more round!" he yelled and stomped off and returned with a tray of absinthe shots.

** "**Oooh nooo.." Lestat whined.

** "**Are you trying to get me drunk. Well alright then!" He started pouring down shots so he was nearly dying.

Back at the toilet Loki was making himself at home on Steves lab. "So captain... Aren't you a little bi-curious?" Steve was yet again completely red "Wha... What? I don't even..." He stammered "Loki I don't think this is a good idea, You're drunk and I don't think Thor would be too happy about this." Loki started to purr.

** "**Relax, Thor is never happy about anything!" The world was spinning and he started to laugh.

** "**I can be the bottom this time if you're scared." He leaned forward and drowned the Captains whining in a sloppy, alkohol tasting kiss. **  
**Loki started grinding his hips into steves and moaned loudly. Steve was fighting a battle inside his mind whenever he should give in or try to escape again, but the way Loki was moving against him made it very hard to concentrate on morale. Slowly Captain America put his hands around Lokis waist, shyly returning the sloppy kiss. **  
**** "**Yes Captain" Loki moaned, his hands traveling up and down Steve's broad chest.

Clark downed the last shot so hard that he dropped his glasses. Lestat snapped.

** "**Holy fuck! I see it now! You are.. you are... you are Supe..." Clark shussed Lestat with panic in his eyes.

** "**No no no not so loud!"

** "**I knew it! Why didn't you tell me?"

**"**Lestat... I..." He started sparkling again with the pouty lips and stuff. Lestat sighed.

** "**So you're Superman. Of Course the Captain is your cousin. So you can fly and do the laser eyes and stuff? I could fly once too. I miss it." Clark suddenly stood up and offered Lestat his hand.

** "**Do you trust me?" he asked. Lestat nodded.

** "**Sure?"

** "**Then take my hand." Lestat did so , and suddenly they were flying high above Berlin.

Back at the bar things were heating up. Loki's right hand were in the good captains pants, stroking Steve's now erect penis. Steve's own hands had wandered too and the right was on Loki's ass the other tangled in his dark hair. **  
**Loki's pants were uncomfortably tight and he zipped open his pants quickly cupping his own erection, moaning "Touch me Steven! Please!" Both of their shirts had been pulled off earlier and was lying on the dirty floor. Their lips met yet again in a sloppy but passionate kiss, their tongues dancing a wild dance for dominance. (Insert glitter and rainbow-farts here) **  
**Loki pushed Steve down so that he was sitting on the toilet, not breaking their kiss. **  
**The good Captains hands were on Loki's ass pulling him closer, they both moaned loudly!**  
**Loki then started to make his way down the captain's broad chest kissing him as he went until he was kneeling between Steve's legs, licking his lips as he watched the very big price that was standing proudly between Steves legs.

** "**Loki!... Wha-what a-are you doing?" Steve stammered his face red as always.

** "**Well Captain I'm giving you what I offered earlier... A blowjob." Loki answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He then took it all the way down without waiting for an answer. Steve made a sound a little similar to a guineapig.

** "**such a virgin," Loki thought to himself. He looked seductively up into the Captain's sparkly eyes.

** "**Always this big or is it the serum?" Loki said with a teasing voice. On a split second the captains face changed from completely desu to a manly man man!

And he pushed Loki away, turned him around and smacked him up against the wall.

** "**Shut up or i will give you a taste of that serum," he whispered into Loki's ear with a ruff voice.

** "**Oh please do! I have been waiting for this all evening." With that said Steve roughly ripped Lokis pants of and started shoving a finger or two in his ass.

** "**Holy fuck that escalated quickly," Loki moaned.

** "**What you saying? What? What are you saying?" the captain hissed and added one more finger.

** "**Nothing," Loki whimpered.

** "**Good," Steve answered and pulled out his fingers and showed his cock in in one thrust. Now it was Loki who sounded like a rodent. The captain violently penetrated the god up against the wall so his feet almost didn't touch the ground.

** "**Now who's your daddy now little biatch?!" Steve yelled as he pounded into the god's tight ass.

** "**Steve... It... hurts." Steve looked at Loki, who suddenly was covered in an aura of rainbow glitter, staring at him with tears in the giant desu eyes. Steve came violently inside the god. As the load had left him he almost instantly returned to his old self.

** "**Oh crap! Loki? Loki are you alright? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you!" Loki started to laugh uncontrollably.

** "**Oh relax! I was just playing along, this was awesome!" Loki said and Steve noticed the big smear of cum on the wall from Loki. He then turned around and gave Steve a gentle kiss on the lips "It was perfect Captain." he whispered into his ear. **  
**Loki then proceed to clean himself up and pulled up his pants, Steve retrieved their shirts from the floor.

** "**Here..." He said sheepishly Handing Loki his shirt when suddenly a loud banging was heard from the wall:**  
**** "**Go home and fuck! I want to take a shit in silence!" came a muffled voice from the girls restroom.

** "**A little too late for that I think." Loki smiled as they walked out into the bar again only to find their table empty...

Lestat had taken Clarks hand and now found himself soaring through the air, his right hand held in a firm, warm grasp by Clark who suddenly started singing:

**"**_I can show you the world_**  
**_Shining, shimmering, splendid _**  
**_Tell me, princess, now when did You last let your heart decide?_**  
**_I can open your eyes _**  
**_Take you wonder by wonder_**  
**_Over, sideways and under On a magic carpet ride_**  
**_A whole new world_**  
**_A new fantastic point of view_**  
**_No one to tell us no or where to go_**  
**_Or say we're only dreaming_

****Lestat decided to join in on the singing, blushing as he sang:

_A whole new world_**  
**_A dazzling place I never knew_**  
**_But when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear That now I'm in a whole new world with you_**  
**_Now I'm in a whole new world with you_**  
**_Unbelievable sights Indescribable feeling Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling Through an endless diamond sky_

They were now Singing in duet giving each other doe-eyes and both of their eyes were sparkling because of the stars and the moons reflection in them, making the moment even more magical and romantic!

_A whole new world_**  
**_Don't you dare close your eyes_**  
**_A hundred thousand things to see(Hold your breath, it gets better)_**  
**_I'm like a shooting star_**  
**_I've come so farI can't go back To where I used to be_**  
**_A whole new world_**  
**_Every turn a surprise_**  
**_With new horizons to pursue_**  
**_Every moment red-letter_**  
**_I'll chase them anywhere_**  
**_There's time to spare_**  
**_Let me share this whole new world with you_**  
**_A whole new world_**  
**_That's where we'll be_**  
**_A thrilling chase_**  
**_A wondrous place for you and me_

Lestat was now in the strong arms of Clark as they soared through the skies. they looked into eachothers eyes and their lips met in a passionate kiss as they stopped singing. **  
**** "**You are beautiful..." Clark murmured. Lestat snuggled even more up against him. The skies under them looked like pink candyfloss.

** "**Oh I miss flying. I had forgotten how beautiful it is up here," he sighed.

** "**How did you learn to fly, and why can't you do it anymore," Clark asked softly. Lestat slowly shook his head.

** "**It is such a long story, and a little tragic too. I won't waste such a pretty night on that," he whispered and brought Clark down to one more kiss. Clark turned around in the air so Lestat was laying on top of him.

** "**I want you so bad," Clark whispered. Lestat smiled.

** "**Me too." For once their tongues wasn't dancing a strong dance for dominance, it was actually quite tender. Their hands slowly started exploring each others bodies. While Lestat was very tall and slender with the muscles of a dancer, Clark was very masculine and big (In all the right places).

After a while of kissing and touching Clark whispered huskily in Lestats ear:**  
**** "**So... Have you ever tried doing it in open air?"

Lestat blushed! "No but it sounds kinky!" He lied, He had actually tried it a couple of times but that was back in the 80ties and he had been sort of high when doing it, but knew it was kinky as fuck! **  
**Clark smiled, and started kissing him down the neck while he slowly slipped a hand down Lestats pants and started working with his already stone hard erection. Lestat sighed softly in his ear as he unbuttoned Clarks shirt, raking his nails over his hard nipples making the man of steel moan out loudly. Lestat had one hand in Clarks black hair and the other cupped his manhood. **  
**Both undid the others pants, pulling them off halfway trying not to lose them in the air. **  
**They kissed once again, clinging to the other while stroking the others dick.

** "**Relax," Clark whispered, while he gently slipped a finger inside the blonde. Lestat let out a small whimper of pleasure. His face was turning kawaiidesu. He already had massive urge to cum.

** "**Hurry up," he whispered.

** "**I want to feel you inside me." Superman seeked his lips again in a, this time a little rougher, kiss. Lestat let out a larger moan in the other man's mouth as Clark joined in with another finger. **  
**Lestat moaned and stroked Clarks penis, feeling his fingers work him.

** "**I need you inside me now!" Lestat moaned.

Clark nodded and removed his fingers, Lestat had used their pre-cum as lubrication and Clark slipped inside of him with ease.**  
**He groaned "You're so tight!"

Lestat just moaned and started to move up and down supermans giant cock.**  
**They didn't notice that they now were flying/fucking right next to an airplane. Most of the passengers were asleep but a little girl named Stacy was looking outside of the little window and was very surprised when she saw two half naked men flying by on top of eachother. She never told anybody of what she saw and the picture would haunt her for years!

While Lestat and Superman was humping away in the air, a slightly sobered up Loki was wobbling his way back home. His ass hurt like hell, but thought of the evening as very successful.**  
**But then something horrible crossed his mind!

** "**CUNTDESTROYING POMERANIAN!" He yelled out loud in the street making an older couple that was walking down the street very frightened.

He had completely forgotten about using protection with the good captain (he could still feel some of his cum leaking out of his asshole) **  
**Loki did NOT want to become pregnant again, and even though the child would be awesome, thinking of who the parents would be, Loki was simply not up for another child. **  
**He wasn't even sure if the human the-morning-after-pill would be potent enough for him. He needed to find a wizard or something ASAP!

End of chapter 2!

**AN: Hope you still have your eyes in good condition and enjoyed the story! Stay tuned for chapter 3 as Loki and Lestat Meets the owner of the Absinthe-bar and explores the wonderful world off weed! **

**And please feel free to leave us a review or a request if you want a specific person/character to be defiled in the oncoming chapters! **

**Thank you and have a pleasant day!**


	3. Balroc-fury of death!

**So yeaah... We bring you the third chapter of this madness and boy is this a fuck'd chapter starring Gandalf himself and Snape.. and magikarp and some ponies so yeahh. What can we say? **

**Once again a big thank you to our fuel: Gothciq80 We love you man! **

**We would like to credit the flashback scene to our great friend Mr. Stage who came up with this weird sex-scene when we were high and reading chapter 2 out loud for him. **

Chapter 3: Balroc-Fury of death!

Loki and Lestat didn't see each other again before a week. Both men needed time to heal their sore bodies (if you know what I mean) Loki got Thor to take care of him, and buy him three mortal day-after-pills but he didn't know if it would do any good.  
Thor, being the sweet and loveable big brother did everything Loki told him in a desperate attempt to make their friendship work again. He even agreed to watch crappy soap operas with him. Of Course Loki didn't tell him who the lucky guy who fucked him senseless was. And when the weekend rolled in, the two wingmen once again met at their favorite bar.

"So how was your night with the captain?" Lestat asked. Tonight he was only drinking beer.

"Yah... I haven't been able to walk straight for days...it was awesome..." Loki answered.

"But when we returned you and Clark were gone. I wasn't the only one to get some, huh?" Lestat BLUSHED.

"But Loki-chan! I have been a good boy... oh well thats a lie," he giggled. Loki could have sworn he just shrinked, got chubbier and all in all just became a chibi for a second there. Lestat became normal looking again and shook his head.

"It turns out Clark was Superman..."

"Wait what?... Aaah why didn't I see that? I blame the glasses..."

"And then we went flying and we fucked in open air," Lestat said with a shy grin on his face.

"That is kinky!" Loki proclaimed, smirking at his blonde friend.

"I knooooow! It was amazing! Although I must admit he got me scared for a short while when we did the doggy-style mid air." Lestat said with a fond sigh thinking back on the event:

_They were flying/fucking high up in the air, Lestat was riding Clark and the stars was sparkling and Superman whispered sensually in Lestats ear:_

_"I want to try doggy-style."__Lestat being high on lust just nodded and moaned out a yes to him._

_Clark turned them around and held Lestat firmly by the hips and started pounding into lestat's ass and Lestat could do nothing but moan and hope that Clark wouldn't drop him.__"You're so tight!" Clark moaned out loud and Lestat just yelled out in pleasure as his prostate was hit again and again by Superman's large cock. Lestat was wanking himself off as Clark fucked him and with a very loud and manly yell the man of steel came hard into the blondes ass. Lestat came too but Clark's orgasm was so hard what he lost his grip on Lestat's hips and dropped him! Lestat screamed as de dropped from the sky thinking that at least his last minutes alive was well spent. A__nd just as he closed his eyes, big strong arms hugged his waist. Clark had saved him_

_"I'm so sorry Lestat!" Clark had tears in his eyes._

_ "I'm okay. Thank you for saving me Clark!" Lestat answered giving Superman a kiss on the lips._

Lestat smirked and Loki didn't know if he should laugh or be horrified by the story.

"Soooo Captain America?" Lestat asked. Loki shook his head.

"As I said before it was awesome but i made a terrible mistake."

"What?"

"I forgot about protection..." Lestat laughed.

"But he was a virgin. How is that a problem."

"I could get pregnant... again..." Lestat nearly choked on his beer.

"What?"

"Yeah... it happens sometimes. Once i gave birth to a troll and I didn't even fuck anyone. I guess my male uterus is pretty hardcore. I have already eaten like a ton of human day after pills but I guess i should try finding a wizard soon."

"Did someone say wizard!" Howl sang as he dramatically entered the room(Insert applause). Loki and Lestat laughed at him.

"Hey sugar! I actually did. I'm in some trouble mortal medication probably can't fix," Loki said. Howl smirked.

"I am actually a wizard." Howl said with a smile on his lips.

"Really? wonderful!" Loki grinned "I need something against pregnancies." He said "Oh well I don't really have knowledge of those things darling..." Howl sighed rubbing his neck. Just as he had said that a tall man with a long gray beard and gray cloak and pointy hat entered the bar yelling: Howl my friend! How are thee?!

"Mister Gandalf! Welcome back sir!" Howl smiled back at the old man.

"How was your travels?" He asked

"Great great! I saw many a strange things and battled many monsters!" Gandalf proclaimed with a smile. Loki and Lestat looked confused at the old man and the bartender.

"Oh yeah! Bitches, this is the owner of the bar, mr. Gandalf. Mr. Gandalf, these are my bitches." Gandalf laughed so it resounded in the whole house.

"Silly Howl! You're a little too much a bitch yourself to have the luxury of bitches. I myself have many bitches!" Howl pouted.

"I am not a bitch..." he said softly.

"Oh yes you are. Now pour me a drink before I bitchslap thy shit out of you, you mofo!" Both Loki and Lestat nearly choked on their drinks while they both literally died of laughter. Howl sighed and started making a bloody Mary.

"So what is the name of you lovely maidens?" Gandalf asked. Lestat caught Loki's eyes and they died all over again.

"Mr. Wizard. We are not maidens. We are grown men," Lestat nearly sobbed.

"Well elfs then. Homosexual elfs."

"Well indeed homosexuals but not elfs," Lestat stated.

"Speak for yourself Lesty! I am a god! Such petty things as sexualilies does not oblige to me." Loki said. Lestat smirked "Dude... you are so gay..."

"Everybody in this godforsaken city is a god damn homosexual! AND III LIKE IT!" Gandalf resounded.  
Howl gave Gandalf his drink.

"Now Howl, I have some exquisite new plants in my bag that I would like to try! I also have an appointment with the professor later on..." He casually said while sipping his drink making his way to the "Personnel only" door in the back.

"Wait sir!" Howl yelled making Gandalf stop.

"Loki here" He gestured to Loki "Is in dire need of a wizard of your caliber sir, I'm wondering if they could follow out back and you might have something for him and his... problem."  
Gandalf seemed to contemplate it.

"Hmm... Very well! Come with me upstairs and tell me what you need!" He smiled at the two men and they grinned in return.

They walked out of the back door and up a staircase dressed in green, velvet carpets, and inside a room who smelled heavily of incense.

"Welcome to my humble home!" the old wizard said with a friendly smile. The room was colorful and cozy. One wall was covered by a big bookcase, carpets littered the floor and big beanbags and comfortable looking armchairs stood around the room. beautiful paintings and all sorts of weird trinkets hung around on the walls.

"Cozy..." Lestat stated as he walked into the room.

"Sit, sit my friends!" Gandalf walked over to a table littered with papers and book and other things, He placed a small bag on it and opened it taking out small plastic bags with dried leafes in them, and laid them on the table.

"Now! What do you need dark haired fellow?" Gandalf asked turning to Loki.

"As I said I am a god... I am Loki! God of mischief to be more exact." He smiled a little and continued: "Last week I had a sexual encounter with The good Captain America and with his super-serum semen and my jotun body I am afraid to get pregnant again and I was wondering if you maybe had something to prevent this." Loki looked hopefully towards the old wizard.

"I can give you something against it." Gandalf chuckled "I just need to make a phonecall." He said. The two young men sat down in each of their own beanbags, Loki sat like a whore and Lestat crossed his legs, as Gandalf pulled out a giant 80ties brick cellphone from a pocket in his robes. He waited a couple of seconds.

"Yeah this is Gandalf. Can you drop by with some of that super-special-awesome-anti-male-pregnancy-stuff. Yeah. Uhm. Aha. All right bring that too. Mmh. Bye... I love you too. Yeah in a fatherly way. Don't get excited." Gandalf hung up and looked on the two guys with a blank face.

"So you wanna smoke a blunt?" Loki and Lestat looked at each other and shrugged.

"Sure."

"Cool. I will make what I call a Balroc-fury of death joint. It is pretty potent. I think you will enjoy it," Gandalf said, while he started to roll a cone on the size of a small country. He made Lestat roast at least four cigarettes and made Loki mix the tobacco with A LOT of plants.  
Gandalf then suddenly took all the things from them with a smile and proceeded to finish the giant joint.

"Exactly who is coming over with my medicine?" Loki asked Gandalf who was totally absorbed in making the joint

"Huh? Oh! It is a great friend of mine." He smiled "I see him as a sort of apprentice in fact" Gandalf held a fond smile as he said it. Loki nodded.

"You know I am quite the sorcerer myself!" Loki couldn't help but brag a little as Gandalf found a lighter a proceeded to light the joint.

"Really? I have read a few of the myths when I was younger." Gandalf said and coughed as he exhaled the thick smoke of the blunt. He took a couple of puffs more of the joint.

"You smoke like a bitch," Lestat laughed. Gandalf passed it to him. Lestat nearly suffocated on his first puff, and both Gandalf and Loki died a bit.

"Yeah I! Thee Gandalf the Gray is no ones whore! But you boy... can go make me a sandwich!" Gandalf said, and brofisted Loki. Lestat didn't answer the insult. He just looked out in the room with an evil bitchface.  
The room was starting to get fogged with the smoke as the joint was passed back and forth between the three men while Gandalf told them about his epic quests. Suddenly Loki's eyes widened.

"Hey... Lestat?" he asked with a shivering voice.

"What if you sucked a dick and it sucked you back?"

Lestat just started giggling uncontrollably, looking at Loki with lazy eyes. Loki started giggling too and before they knew it all three men was laughing out loud.

"Like... If you just was sitting there and suddenly your feet turns into gummybears!" Loki covered his face with his hands as he laughed. "

"EHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!"

"I swear that happened to me, once," Gandalf said with a serious face.  
"I shouldn't have messed with that fairy."

"So have the room been neon colored all the time?" Lestat asked. Loki leaned towards him and started nuzzling his hair.

"It remind me of that time the cap blushed. Lestat... I think I could fall in love with him. He is so pure and fluffy like a flower or a marshmallow," Loki mumbled with a fond smile on his lips.

"Then why don't you call him?" Lestat asked with a faint flush on his face.

"Maybe I should, my friend maybe i should. And the shade of this smoke reminds me of your eyes, Lestat. All misty purple. I truly, deeply love you. Will You marry me?" Lestat giggled.

"Go to sleep Loki. You're high."

"High on love. You're so beautiful," he said, leaning closer.

"Oh stahp it you!" Lestat whined with a little girl's voice, but leaned towards Loki anyways. Their lips nearly brushed, but they were interrupted by a loud: "GAAAAAAY!" from Gandalf.

Suddenly the door was slammed open and a dark figure was standing in the doorway. Loki and Lestat turned their heads lazily looking at the dark clad man.  
Gandalf Smiled widely and stood up with his arms spread open

"Severus my man!" Gandalf yelled at the man who had now entered the smoky room, walking over to him bringing him into a brotherly and manly hug! The man was clad in a big black cloak and had long, greasy, black hair.

"Long time no see Gandji!" He smiled at the bearded man.

"Loki and Lestat! Let me introduce you to Severus Snape! He is my good friend." Gandalf padded Snape on the shoulder as he talked, Snape smiled. Lestat gave a small giggle and waved "Hii..." He said.

Loki looked Snape up and down with a lazy smile.

"Hmm... So you're the one who is going to be my savior." He smirked. Snape shrugged.

"So you're the one with the uterus? Well I have brought something that might help you." He opened his long robe. On the inside of it rows and rows of little colourful bottles and plastic bags filled with all the drugs you could ever imagine and more!

"Holy Moly..." Lestat whispered with big eyes.

"Is there anything you couldn't cure?" Snape smiled darkly.

"Most of this isn't for curing. It is more like... party drugs for muggles. I have a great crew of meth cooks. My first year students. They have no idea what they are making. It's the perfect crime." He laughed with a deep, hollow voice. Loki and Lestat nodded mesmerized by Snapes almost chanting voice. Gandalf nodded and took a major puff on the Balroc-fury. He then passed it to Lestat.

"Oh i'm way too high. I think i'll pass..." Gandalf rose to his feet with pure rage in his eyes and shadows of doom danced around his lanky corpus.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" he yelled so his voice resounded all over Berlin and then forced the joint down Lestats throat.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Lestat yelled as Gandalf held him down trying to force him to smoke the joint.

"GANDALF!" Snape interrupted, putting a hand on Gandalf shoulder.

"Let the little bitch go and lets discuss the price." Gandalf nodded and let Lestat go, who started to cough violently, almost gagging.

"How much do you want for the fetus-killer?" Loki asked, his eyes half closed and red.

"Your virginity..." Snape said with dead seriousness in his eyes.

"I don't think it have never existed," Lestat whispered as his head fell to the floor and he started snoring instantly.

"Yeaaah... I gave that to a giant horse and got a teen-pregnancy out of it so that's a bit impossible for me to give..." Loki grinned.

"But I'll give you the blow-job of your life if you want." Snape seemed to consider this.

"Or I could transform into a giant, flying, pastel colored pony and let you ride me?" Snape rubbed his chin in deep thoughts.

"Tell me? How did you know I was a Brony?" he asked with a calm voice, a small blush was forming on his cheeks.

"Well, the cute little necklace was a pretty big giveaway." Loki smirked pointing a finger at the My Little Pony necklace around Snape's neck. He huffed, no use denying it now...  
"Okay!" He said "But then I want you to be Fluttershy!" He said out loud.

Loki sighed "Alright... Just give me a second." After being banished from Asgard just as Thor, his magic had been VERY low. It was a part of him and therefore could not be totally extracted from him. Shapeshifting was an ability that Jotuns was practically born with so it wouldn't be too exhausting.  
Loki stood up and stretched, trying to concentrate to the task at hand.

"Oookay! Here we go!" He said out loud as his limbs began to change into orange pony-limbs.  
a few seconds later an orange pony with long blonde mane and tail and three apples on his hips.

"That's Apple Jack you idiot!" Snape yelled with a insulted expression on his face, his arms crossed.  
Loki sighed loudly.

"Well sooo-rry! I don't watch stupid cartoons ment for 5 year old girls!"

"It is a deep and serious show about serious problems and if you keep insulting it I will not give you the potion!" Snape said defensively.

"Okay okay! Calm your tits!" Loki said and started changing form again, but this time it was not a pony... It was some sort of fish! A Magikarp! Snape was now red in the face with anger!

"Are you fucking kidding me!" He yelled and Loki just laughed out loud and started changing again and this time it was indeed Fluttershy who appeared.

"I can even do the voice if you like." Loki/Fluttershy said in that cute shy voice, a small smile on the pony's lips.  
Snapes eyes seemed to change form and become heartshaped and he threw his arms around the ponys neck yelling:

"I LOVE YOU FLUTTERSHYYYY!" Loki was shocked and just stood there not know what to do as the grown man clung to him, but then he got an idea.  
In the cutest and smallest imitation of the shy pony he said:

"Um... you know... it's okay if you want a ride on my back." Loki made sure to make the most doe-like eyes he could. Snape looked like he might cry of joy! Without saying more Snape swung himself up on Loki's back. Gandalf nodded silently and opened the window. Loki jumped out and flew out and left the wizard and his past out friend behind.

"It is with great joy i see my friends most secret wishes come true," Gandalf whispered with a moved voice. He then walked over and poked Lestat with his foot.  
"Wake up my bitch! We are going to smoke the Balroc once more and after that thee will make me a sandwich!" Lestat whimpered disapproving but a few hours later he found himself in Gandalfs kitchen slicing bread anyway while he heard Snape's voice resound in pure ecstasy over the roofs of Berlin.

"THIS IS AWESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOMEEEEEEE! BEST NIGHT EVAAAAAAAAAR!"

A few minutes later loki walked into the kitchen with the most tired expression on his face ever, but a small smile soon bloomed on his lips

"I finally got it!" He said triumphantly, holding his right hand up in the air holding a small bottle of red liquid. He pulled of the cap and swallowed it down quickly making a face because of the bitter taste.

"No babies to me!" He smiled at Lestat.

"Oh! And by the way I took the liberty of getting us some mushrooms in the process." He smiled.

**end of chapter 3!**

**Subcribe if you want more! Next chapter we throw our selfes into the Star Wars fandom and molest all your favorite characters! **


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